As I came home from an afternoon of running errands I saw it: An Amazon Prime box had been delivered. But it was strange; instead of sitting idly on the front step, it was floating about three feet above the ground.

This time I congratulate myself for not believing a hallucination, blink while it vanishes and walk into the house. Since hitting my head and getting a TBI, the last several months have been anything but boring. A few days previously I had noticed a large road sign was half gone. Oh my, I murmured to myself, A dinosaur must have eaten that sign.

I’d like to consider myself at least a semi-educated person. I went to college for a number of years that I can’t remember, earned a Master’s degree in history and was involved in several honors programs. I remind myself of that while I continue driving. The dinosaurs died a long time ago, right.

Moments like this are a bit unnerving, but since I always remember the truth about reality within a moment, it isn’t so bad. Sometimes it is like Christmas. In mid-summer my mother visited. When I was around her, or anyone from my family, I would often forget recent developments about my life. Namely, that I am now 32 and married with children. As she was leaving my house and heading to her car, I inwardly groaned. I don’t want to go home; I’d rather stay here, thinking that I was a teenager, about to return to my old bedroom. Matt walked by. As soon as I saw him, a decade unfolded in my mind: Wait! I am an adult; I am married! I am married to him!”

There were other times that I forgot who I was. I remember lying in bed asking myself, I know I am married, but to whom? Again, it only took a few seconds to remember my husband of eight years, so it wasn’t that bad. Or was it?

When I was tired everything became a blur. I would slip in and out of consciousness while still awake. I noticed (for the first time) the wall sized television that we owned (we do not own a wall-sized television), tried not to step on our cat on the way to the bathroom (we do not own a cat) and I never could quite remember without having to think, What season was it? Summer, winter, spring? Where do I live? What house is this? How old am I? Thankfully, I would always get the right answers without having to ask my poor husband.

Once, I was washing my hair. I closed my eyes to feel the water running over my head. In that second, I was transported. I was no longer in the bathroom; it was a warm summer day. I was standing in the middle of the most luxurious rose garden. It felt perfect, then I opened my eyes. Uh, oh. I was still in the shower. While it would make a splendid advertisement for the quality fragrance of my shampoo, I wouldn’t recommend the experience.

My mind is now  a lot more clear. I haven’t believed anything crazy, like that I was standing next to a pack of wolves (I wasn’t even scared), for a couple of weeks. The forgetful symptoms were all parts of my brain injury, while seeing things was mostly from the medicine that I was taking. The brain is amazing. The work it goes to rewire itself after an injury is incredible. Though I would not like to have another brain injury, I can at least say that it has been an interesting experience!

Processed with VSCO with hb2 preset
A photo of my childhood bedroom’s floor on the day that I hit my head.

6 thoughts on “Fun times (sort of)

  1. still praying for you in all of this. the brain is incredible. I am glad that you are making progress. I think you will be able to empathized with other’s sufferings in deeper ways because of this and that beauty can come of it. keep writing, it’s worth reading. sending love to you… (and like the new blog layout!)

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  2. Sounds like dreams you have while sleeping were what you were experiencing while you were awake. At first it sounds WOW this is fun but in reality well not so much. Glad you are getting better.

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  3. I’ve been so worried about you throughout these several months. And yet I’m always amazed to find myself laughing so hard when you relate your experiences with so much humor and warmth. It is an admirable gift, yet I feel the tiniest bit guilty for enjoying it so much. So I pray extra hard for your recovery as penance.

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